Tuesday 30 December 2014

2014: A year to be proud of


Is it just me, or has this year just raced by? 

It doesn't quite seem possible it's been whole year since I welcomed in 2014, stood under a canopy of umbrellas straining to see the London fireworks as they reflected brightly off the buildings surrounding Trafalgar Square. 
And yet, here we are. It's December 30th and I've spent the best part of my day littering my bedroom floor with discarded dresses in a decidedly futile attempt to decide on an outfit for tomorrow night. Do I want to be comfortable or glamorous? Comfortably glamorous? I get back on you on that one.

Naturally, as the year draws to it's close, we cant help but look back. We ask ourselves not only where did those months go? But also how did they go? For me, it was pretty up and down. A roller-coaster of a year. But that's life with ME. There's been bad times, terribly bad times, but as I look back I can see there's been so so many good times. In fact, for the first time in a number of years, I can confidently say this year's been better than the rest. 

While my year may be ending with ME once again in tow, it doesn't feel quite so bleak. I'm still unwell, and there's a chance I may still be unwell when I wave goodbye to 2015, but things are certainly on the up. My health may not have improved as much as I may have hoped, but I've got a better outlook now, I've got better coping mechanisms and I've got better control. 

In the spirit of positivity I've taken a look back on some of my greatest achievements this year, some of which I'd have never thought possible. Seeing them written down, I couldn't be more proud of myself for how far I've come this year, how much progress I've made and how much stronger I am. Even if 2014 hasn't been your year, tucked away somewhere, maybe on a rainy afternoon in April or a warm summers evening in July, there will be something, however small, that you've achieved. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops with glee, you needn't even note it down, but think about it, just for a second; what have you done this year to make you feel proud?

1. Graduated. Graduating is a fantastic achievement at the best of times. But to do it all with an incredibly poorly body and still get a 2:1 is something I'm pretty damn proud of. I'm not going to bang on about this too much as I've already done that here.

2. Travelled to America for 3 weeks. Though nothing, not even a particularly bad relapse, would have kept me from heading to America to be reunited with my boyfriend after three months, I'm incredibly grateful my body behaved itself when the time came. Though it was tough and I needed a lot of down time when I returned. I managed it. Three weeks of back-to-back sight seeing and a trip to NYC. If that doesn't show progress, I don't know what does! You can read all about it here.

3. On the road again. Though I passed my test over 2 years ago, I've had neither a car nor insurance in that time, so I've driven very little. I'm finally insured now on mama's car and though it's been stressful at times, I'm so glad I've got the freedom of driving now. I'm even getting a little better at parking.

4. I worked. Ok, it was an internship, but it was in a proper office doing proper things.  A year ago I'd have never thought this possible, or at least it was simply a dream. Though only two days a week, the internship was tough and showed me I'm not ready for work just yet. But I made it to the end. I had a wonderful experience,meet some great people and even got a certificate.

5. I got me a blog. I'd thought about blogging for a long while but never had the guts to just go for it. In June this year I took the plunge and decided to give it a go. I'm not the best at blogging. I always forget to post, but next year I'm going to try to be better *news years resolution*. Anyways, it's still only a  baby, but I'm proud of it.  

Wishing you all the happiest new year!

Alice
x


Thursday 11 December 2014

The Christmas Tag



Christmas is without a doubt my number one time of year. When I told you back in October that I love Halloween, I wasn't lying. But if I love Halloween, then I super ultra a hundred times over love Christmas. A bit excessive for a 22 year old? Maybe. But hey, what is life if you can't don your cheesiest Christmas jumper and behave like a six year old for a whole month of the year.

I've wanted to do a Christmassy post since it became socially acceptable (aka, December 1st). However my child-like levels of excitement just led to jumbled notes and nonsensical plans scribbled in the pages of my diary. Two weeks down the line and I've just come across the perfect solution to all my Christmas blog post related problems. The Christmas Tag. So here it is. Take a read and if you fancy it, give it a go. 'Tis the season after all!

1. What is your favourite Christmas film?
Elf. How can you argue with such profound logic as The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear?
The story of everyones favourite cotton-headed ninnymuggins has become something of a Christmas tradition in our household and never fails to get us all in the Christmas spirit.
 
 
2. Have you ever had a White Christmas?
I think so. From what I can remember it actually snowed a few years ago. Although perhaps it had all melted by Christmas day.
 
3. Where do you usually spend your holiday?
At home. Every year. And I imagine I'll still come back when I've moved out.
 
4. What is your favourite Christmas song?
To be totally honest I love them all. But  Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade holds a special place in my heart.
 

5. Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?
Normally, no. We do cards because they always get forgotten about once the wrapping paper starts flying. This year however we're having  family-Christmas- jumper-to-church night on Christmas Eve- so we'll be opening those a day early. I take full credit for this awesomely lame idea.
 
6. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. Oh and Rudolph.
 
7. What holiday traditions are you looking forward to most this year?
My boyfriend and I go to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park every year. It's busy, cold, overpriced and there's way too many children but in my opinion, you can't beat it. 
 
8. Is your Christmas tree real or fake?
We're all pretty big into Christmas in my house. We actually have three trees downstairs and one in each of our rooms. As I said, we like Christmas. The main one in our front room is always real and it has the most wonderful smell.
 
9. What is your all-time favourite holiday food/sweet treat?
 Anything sweet. All the cake, the gingerbread, the boxes of chocolate, the chocolates on the tree, the mini pancakes from the Christmas market, the desserts on Christmas day... we could be here a while...
 
10. Be honest: do you like giving gifts or receiving gifts better?
I'm genuinely not all that fussed about receiving presents and when I do, I'm always grateful. However I'm also terrible at choosing presents, even for family members I've known my whole life and my boyfriend of four years.So I'm gonna say both and neither.
 
11. What is the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
My mum paid for my tickets to the S Club 7 reunion tour next year as part of this years present. That's gonna be pretty special.
 
12. What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?
I don't really have one. I'm a home bird so I'd always rather be here, at my home in Essex. I'd quite like to see New York at Christmas time though.
 
13. Are you a pro-present wrapper, or do you fail miserably?
I'm not bad. But then I'm not much of a perfectionist, so others may disagree.
 
14. Most memorable Holiday moment?
My 78 year old grandmother does something wacky but hilarious every year. Whether it be breaking out her best moves or screeching along to some classic rock (back when guitar hero was the present of the year) or insulting the food- she never fails to amuse.
 
15. What made you realise the truth about Santa?
 To be honest, I don't know.Although to this day I have a rather vivid 'memory' of seeing Santa in my living room when I was younger and hearing his reindeer on the roof...
 
16. Do you make New Years resolutions? Do you stick to them?
Generally no. I just hope that every year will be better than the last, health wise. This year will be no different.
 
17. What makes the holidays special for you?
Spending time with my family and friends, playing games and eating so much food we could burst. It's corny, but it's true.
 
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!
 
Alice
x

Sunday 30 November 2014

Baking Sundays: Triple Chocolate Brownie Cookies


The nights are getting colder, the clothes are getting cosier and there's Christmas music playing on the radio. There's no denying that Winter's arrived, and I for one am ready to embrace it in all its frosty glory. Is there anything better than cosying up by the fire, big jumper and fluffy socks on, watching your favourite Christmas movie with a hot chocolate and delicious freshly baked cookie? Well I can't provide you with a fire and you'll have to bring your own socks, but I can promise you that if you keep reading you'll discover an utterly delectable triple chocolate cookie recipe.
 I was going to call these my 'Better than Millie makes' cookies, because well, they are. However when my sister told me they were like brownies in cookie form, I though that described them perfectly. Cooked for just the right amount of time, these cookies are crunchy on the outside and gooey and chewy on the inside- just like any great cookie should be.

This recipe is a variation on a go-to milk chocolate cookie recipe I found a while back. I've playing around with it, trying out different combinations and flavours and this is the one I feel really needs to be shared. You can thank me later. 

You simply cream together your butter and sugars, before adding the egg and vanilla and combining with the flour cocoa powder mix till you get a mould able dough. Though I've added milk and white chocolate chucks (hand cut for than more rustic feel), you can feel free to throw in whatever you like! Smarties, Rolos, toffee- add in a little bit of what you fancy. Cookie's are meant to be fun, so embrace your inner child.


The key to getting these cookies just right is all in the baking time. Too short a time and you'll end up with heated cookie dough on your hands (although lets be honest, that's delicious too), and too long in the oven and they'll be all crunch and no chew. I find 10 minutes to be just the right amount of time. They will continue to cook after you take them out- so don't be alarmed if they look a little soft. Follow my guidelines, but feel free to go out on a limb and take them out a bit earlier/latter- we've all got different tastes in cookies.


Oh, and one last thing, do have some cookie dough before you put them in the oven, but try not to eat it all before it's cooked!

Triple Chocolate Brownie Cookies
Makes 12

125g unsalted butter, softened
125g caster sugar
100g light brown sugar
175g self raising flour
50g cocoa powder
1 egg
1tsp vanilla extract
100g white chocolate chopped
100g milk chocolate chopped

Preheat your oven to 170°C/ 340°F/ Gas Mark 3 and grease and/or line a baking sheet.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until it takes on a light fluffy consistency. As you're using brown sugar, the mixture won't reach a pale colour.
Add the egg and vanilla and mix until fully combined.
In a separate bowl, combine the flour and cocoa powder.
Gradually add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients. Stirring until your mixture begins to stiffen and resemble a dough. Once the flour is fully combined add in your chocolate pieces and stir in until evenly distributed. 
Rolls your dough into walnut sized balls and place on your baking sheet. Ensure to leave space between them as they will 'grow' in the oven.
Place in the oven and bake for 10 minutes or for desired length of time.
Remove from the oven and place on a wire rack to cool.

These cookies are delicious eaten cold or warmed up in the microwave for a few seconds to get that chocolate all nicely melted again.

Enjoy!

x

Friday 21 November 2014

The benefits of being a realist

Listen up my darlings, I'd like to tell you story. 
Do you watch Modern Family? If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know I'm a huge fan of the show. Recently, in true spoonie style, I've rewatched the whole show again. From the start of season 1 to the end of season 5, my bofriend and I have watched every episode in preparation for the new series. Through our manic and incessant watching we've come to a great, life changing realisation. We are Claire and Phil. I'm the naggy woman cringing at my partners jokes and he's the kinda guy who might bring an Alpaca home, just because.
Why am I telling you this adorable but seemingly irrelevant tale? Because just like Phil and Claire, Jamie's a dreamer and I'm a realist- or as he'd say, I'm a pessimist.
I'm not. A pessimist. But I will admit I am a realist. It's hard for me to look at things and see the positives if the negatives are so glaringly more likely. I'm not a risk taker and I'd be a terrible gambler. I'm just no good at betting on the little guy, the underdog, the slim chance. I'm not gonna tell you the glass is half empty, but I will be the one to point out that it's no more likely to be half full. And while I hope and pray that one day I will recover fully from this horrible illness, I can never lose sight of the fact that chances are getting slimmer with every passing year. 



I know this may sound depressing, and like I'm not giving myself enough of a chance, but honestly that's not the case. Infact, thinking realistly rather than positively has been my best coping mechanism as of late. Sound crazy and counter productive? I know. But let me explain.

When you suffer from an illness as widely misunderstood as ME, you begin to notice that while people aren't prepred to begin to understand your illness they are exceptionally willing to give advice. Advice on something they know literally nothing about. One of the more common pieces of advice is that if I thought more positively I'd get better. Would you tell an amputee that if they had more positive thoughts their leg would grow back? No. No you wouldn't. So shutup.
Anyway, while positive thinking will not cure ME in any shape or form it does help many suffers avoid depression and get by day-to-day. I am in many ways one of these people. I focus on the little things that make my life great, I surround myself with people I love and I'm forever grateful that I manage a (sober) night out every once in a while. But I believe thinking too positively is a hindrance rather than a force for good- especially for a chronic realist like me.

Last year I met with an ME specialist for the first time. In the letter he sent regarding our meeting he noted that my prognosis wasn't great. The only upside? I had no unrealistic expectations of my recovery. The main thing helping me get better was not an unwavering faith in the cause, but the understanding that I might not.

This goes against everything I'd previously been told. And to be honest I think it's helped more than everything in my recovery.

If I spend my days assuming that I will certainly one day fully recover, I'm constantly striving towards a potentially unachievable goal. Something both highly unsatisfying and demoralising. However if I accept I may never fully recover, the smaller milestones become unfathomable achievements. 
They say that when you lose something you have to go through a period of grieving for what you've lost before you can fully move on with your new life. By having a realist attitude towards my illness, that is what I believe I m doing. I have days where I grieve for the life I've lost. The career and Independence I'll probably never have. But in accepting I may never fully recover, I've also come to appreciate the future I would never otherwise have had. A future that may be slightly less conventional and societally acceptable-but an awesome one all the same.



I'm not saying you should follow my lead. If you've got the mental strength to fully believe you will recover then I envy you, I do, and I wish you the very best. But next time you're not feeling so positive- don't feel guilty. Embrace your inner realist and your new future- you may be surprised by the life you uncover.

I'm gonna leave you with my favourite Modern Family quote, just because it's beautiful.



x


*I'd like to note that I am not downplaying the importance and brilliance of positive thinking, or encouraging negative thinking, at all. I am simply sharing my own beliefs and experience of what works for me.

Tuesday 4 November 2014

Baking Sundays: Chocolate Oreo Cupcakes


Chocolate Oreo Cupcakes

Oreos and chocolate cake. I challenge you to find a more perfect and utterly delicious pairing. 
When I first read about chocolate Oreo cupcakes, I knew I had to give them a go. With a crunchy Oreo biscuit base, moist chocolaty cake and a creamy Oreo frosting- they sounded delicious. When Jamie and I first tried them, some time back at the beginning of last year, I was on a super strict gluten-free diet. And while I could easily make the cake gluten-free, the same couldn't be said for the Oreos. So no cupcakes for me.
This time round however I'm definitely a lot more lax when it comes to avoiding gluten- I do it when I can, but sometimes (too often these days) I throw caution to the wind and tuck in to a lovely gluten- filled treat. Such is the crazy life I lead. Having said that, I did only manage to get hold of one cupcake before my family demolished them all. Probably for the best.

I've been feeling pretty downright poorly lately. I've had a lot of problems with nausea and I often don't feel like eating. This to me is a completely new, unknown sensation. Even at my sickest, I've normally got a strong appetite and nice bar of chocolate to keep me going. So on Sunday, when I was feeling marginally better, with something of an appetite in tow, I decided it was about time I got baking. And so this super easy chocolate Oreo cupcake recipe was born.


When I've made these cupcakes before, I've stuck to a recipe I found online. However this time, not feeling up to much complicated baking, I devised my own recipe- based on the simplest chocolate cake recipe I know. Unlike my Death by Chocolate cakes, these ones are on the classic 6:3 ratio, making them super easy to make, from start to finish. They use only cocoa powder to give them their chocolaty taste and they only require items you're likely to already have stashed away somewhere.

The Oreo-ness usually comes from both the hidden cookie at the bottom and the crushed up biscuits in the icing. This time however we also added some crushed Oreo's into the cake mixture itself. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure it added much and I'm not sure I'd do it again as it produced a cake slightly denser than I would've liked- but try it for yourselves! Perhaps do half with crushed Oreos and half without (you won't need to change anything else in the recipe) and see which you prefer.



Chocolate Oreo Cupcakes
Makes 12

Cakes:
85g Unsalted butter
85g Caster Sugar.
85g Self- raising flour
3 Medium Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla extract
3 tbsp Milk
16 Oreos (4 are to add directly to the cake mix)

Icing:
100g Unsalted Butter
250g Icing sugar
30 ml Cream
Half a pack of crushed Oreos

Preheat your oven to 180°C/ 350°F/ Gas Mark 4 and line a cupcake tray with 12 cases.

Place one Oreo into each cupcake liner.
Chop your remaining Oreos into small pieces and set to one side.
In a large bowl cream together the butter and sugar until it reaches a light, fluffy consistency and a paler colour.
Begin to add your eggs and flour to your butter and sugar mix. Beat in the eggs one at a time, with each egg accompanied by a spoonful of your pre-measured flour- this will help prevent curdling. 
This is followed by adding all the remaining flour in one go, folding it into the mixture (in a figure of eight). If you beat it too hard, the mixture will not rise as well.
Once your mixture is fully combined, you can add in your liquid ingredients. Gently beat in the milk and vanilla until fully combined.
Finally gently stir in the Oreo pieces until fully combined.
Divide your mixture equally between the 12 cases, being careful not to over fill.
Bake your cakes in your preheated oven for 15-20 minutes, or until the tops bounce back and a skewer inserted comes out clean.
Remove from the oven and tray, and place on a wire rack to cool.

For the Icing:
Beat the butter in a large bowl until softened and smooth. Now add the icing sugar and continue to beat until light and creamy. From here you can add your cream, vanilla and crushed Oreos and continue beating until fully combined.
Feel free to add more icing sugar if the icing becomes too thin, or more cream if it is still to thick.
Ice your cooled cupcakes in whatever manner you so desire and feel free to decorate with whatever you have to hand!



Enjoy!
Alice
x



Monday 20 October 2014

Health and Halloween

October is always one of my favourite months of the year. The nights get longer, the weather gets cooler and mumma starts adding dumplings to our dinner to fatten us up for the winter. 
It's always a super busy month for me as its full of birthdays, oh so many many birthdays. Growing up, this meant sweets at school more or less everyday day; now it means lots of lovely meals out with friends and family, cocktails and wine. After a month full of baking cakes and writing cards for other people I get to celebrate my own birthday at the end of the month- I turn 22 on the 26th October, put it on your diaries folks. 
As well as all the autumn cuddles and birthday parties, October brings with it... Halloween. I freaking love Halloween. In less than 2 weeks, I will finally get the chance to wear the costume I've been planning for weeks, and I cannot wait. But before then, I'm gonna snuggle up with a nice hot chocolate and a toffee apple and force my boyfriend to watch Hocus Pocus. It's one of my favourite ever films, and as far as I'm concerned, it's just not Halloween without it. 

Saturday 4 October 2014

If you're ever in Boston...

I've been back from America for no less than two weeks now and I haven't blogged once... I know, I'm a terrible blogger, but please do forgive me- I've been recovering. I was expecting three weeks of sight-seeing fun to wipe me out completely and have me wrapped up in my duvet catching-up on all my missed tv for the foreseeable future. However, (and I may be jumping the gun a little here), I'm not actually doing too badly. No, really. Yes I've had to take things slowly, and I have had the first inklings of a throat infection for the last week but I'm actually ok. 

So what have I been doing these last few weeks during my time across the pond? Well I've been exploring all that Boston has to offer, guided by my very own almost local, my boyfriend Jamie. 
Before my trip, I'd never been to America before. So naturally I spent the first few days in complete awe of their roadsigns, mailboxes and fire-hydrants, I was jumping with joy whenever I saw a 7eleven, a Wholefoods or a laudromat. 

Obviously I can't fill you in on  all I've been doing the last three weeks, I'd bore you to death and you'd probably never read my little blog again. And that's definitely not what I want. So I figured I give you something of a highlights reel, step-away from mentioning my chronic illness and just give you a little snapshot of my time in Boston. So, just in case you ever head over there, here's a little list of some of my must do things in Boston and the surrounding area.

Wednesday 20 August 2014

How to Introduce Yoga to Your Life

Last week I posted about how the lack of exercise brought on by my condition has drastically affected my self-confidence (read the post here). Now I'm here to tell you that it's not all doom and gloom. This week I want to share with you the silver lining to have come out of this situation- my discovery of yoga.
   Yoga. You might have heard of it? Right now, it's kinda the fashionable cupcake of the exercise world. In church halls and sports centres across the globe, men, women and children have been rolling out their multi-coloured yoga mats and contorting their bodies into 'down-ward dogs' and 'cobras'; tanned and toned celebrities have been posting carefully angled photos of their recently perfected poses on Instagram; and even my seventy-eight year old grandmother's at it. Why? Because it's bloody brilliant. That's why. Hailed for is reviving qualities and numerous benefits, yoga has quite simply put my life back on track. Focussing on both the mind and body, it’s not simply the physical benefits of yoga, such as an increase in energy and a decrease in muscle tension that make yoga the perfect gentle exercise for an ME sufferer- yoga can increase concentration and memory as well as aiding sleep and decreasing depression too! What’s not to love?
I've being yoga-ing for about eight months now. It was a key part of 2014's News Years resolution to finally start making some progress on the recovery front. While I cannot tell you the difference between different types of yoga (there's many- look it up!), I can attest to its healing benefits. Over the years I’ve tried pacing, relaxing, various supplements and so forth, but I really I feel that it's yoga that has had the biggest impact on my ME riddled life.
   I know, I'm kinda going in for the hard sell. I'm like a sales-woman, stopping at your door to offer you the latest miracle cure for all chronic illness. If only right!? Unfortunately that's not the case. While it does have many benefits, yoga is certainly not the miracle cure. But for people like me, with mostly moderate M.E, it can be a god send for helping us get back on our feet.

Friday 15 August 2014

Exercise, Body Confidence and M.E

Hola! After a lovely week away in Spain with the family I'm now back in Blighty with blonder hair, browner skin and a fairly unpleasant travel hangover. Now I'm back on home soil I'm going to have to be taking extra good care of my body for the next two weeks to prep myself for my big American adventure at the end of August- I've got all my fingers and toes crossed that my body copes reasonably well with this, and if not, well I'll have a super carer to look after me in the shape of my boyfriend Jamie.

Clockwise from top left: All freckly in the sun, beautiful Estepona harbour, colourful patterns at the Spanish market, sunning myself by the pool
The lazy nature of my holiday and the pretty intense Spanish heat meant that I've spent most of the week lounging around in bikinis, which is what's led to the writing of this post. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that we women are never more concious of our bodies than when in a bikini- it's like being in your underwear except you're on display for all the world to see. Now, while I'm fairly happy with my body most of time- I look in the mirror and take a 'yeah, you'll do' kinda attitude, I'm not as body confident as I'd like to be, and there's one main reason for this; yep you've guessed it, it's my M.E.

Monday 4 August 2014

It's August...

Time flies right? I know I'm not alone in saying holy Christ how did we get to August? But I for one am incredibly glad it's finally here. 

July was a bit of a roller-coaster of a month for me- lifewise it's been great (I finally graduated!), but healthwise, not so much. While the first half of July was one of those wow! Even I can hardly tell I'm ill stages, the second half of July had me mostly in bed catching up with some old friends (the cast of gossip girl) and eating way too much cookie dough for my own good. So while it may have had some pretty momentous ups, I'm glad to see the back of July, not least because it means it's finally August!

Why am I so excited it's August? Because I've been anticipating it's arrival for such a long time- since I booked my flights out to America way back in the early Spring in fact and even more so since the 21st May. On the 21st May my boyfriend flew out to Boston to spend the summer living it up in the American sun (oh, and working to complete his masters of course), and on the 28th August, after fourteen weeks apart I'll finally be flying out to join him. And now that August is here, well I'm beyond excited. It'll be my first time in America, and while I'll have to do the cross-Atlantic flight alone, when I arrive I'll have very own personal tour-guide- since he arrived I've had my boyfriend sourcing out the best pancakes in town. Because with only three weeks there, a girls gotta sample the very best! 
It's gonna be pretty tough on my body, I know that. I know the repercussions are probably gonna be huge come September 19th when I touch back down on British soil (boyfriend in tow this time). But yes, as the popular saying goes- you only live once. And while I may not have been blessed with the healthiest body, I'm not gonna let that stop me living my life, seeing the things I wanna see and sharing these amazing experiences with the person I love most in the world. Even if it does mean a month in bed afterwards.

Eeeeeeee!

Until then? Well tomorrow I'm actually heading to the Costa del Sol for a last minute holiday with the family for a week of sun, sea, sand and simple relaxation. Last year my body shocked me by coping remarkably badly with the heat, but so far I've been coping pretty well in the glorious British sunshine we've been having of late. So I've got my fingers crossed that this year will be an improvement on last! And if not... well I've got an air-conditioned room.

All packed and ready to go

Right now I'm off to do a little pre-holiday pampering with my lovely new Barry M nail polishes. Catch you in a weeks time!

Alice
x

Thursday 31 July 2014

What I'm Watching

What with my graduation, the weekend in Brighton and all the catching-up with friends and family that comes with returning from uni, I've had a pretty busy time of it lately. There I was, plodding along, thinking my M.E was behaving itself incredibly well and coping with all I was throwing at it far better than I could have hoped. Then bam. Turns out it wasn't coping too well after all and the post external malaise has hit me pretty hard this week (if you're lucky enough to not know what this is, then check out my post on the symptoms of M.E here for a little heads up). If you're a fellow spoonie then you'll know just how gutting this can be. Though we're used it, every time the dreaded PEM hits it feels like a million steps back along the road to recovery. And to be honest with you, I'm really pretty bad at coping with it. Yes, I try to push through though I know I shouldn't, I cry though it just makes me more exhausted and I fret that I'll never ever feel any better... so much for the positive attitude, eh. 

But ultimately, eventually I give in. After a good talking to from my boyfriend or mummy I manage to get myself back on the positive bandwagon wagon and see each episode of PEM as a simple blimp along my long and bumpy journey. So what's a girl to do when she can hardly get out of bed? Why! Sign up for a Netflix account of course! So while I've been holed up in bed with some chocolate and a fan, I've spent my week catching up with some of my best loved shows. These are some of mine, what are some of yours?

Sunday 27 July 2014

Baking Sundays: Death By Chocolate Cupcakes




For a cake lover like myself, it really doesn't get much better than a classic beautifully fudgy, chocolately chocolate cake. Therefore finding that perfect chocolate cake recipe has been like finding the holy grail. I've searched high and low, in old cook books and new, magazines and phone apps and just about every corner of the internet for a flawless recipe that would produce a cake that'd be be, quite simply, delectable. But what's the secret to a faultless chocolate cake... cocoa powder or dark chocolate, sour cream or milk, muscovado sugar or caster? I've tried them all, but nothings been quite right. Nothing's been wow!

That was until I stumbled across this recipe from Sally over at Sally's Baking Addiction. Her chocolate cake was just what I'd been looking for- light, fluffy, moist and immensely chocolately- it was perfect. This has been my go to recipe for quite some time now.- it's one I love to bake up for special occasions and guests always love it. Follow the instructions and this cake is utterly flawless and exceptionally delicious- trust me, you shall never want for another chocolate cake recipe again. 

Wednesday 23 July 2014

1 month 'blogiversary'

So today marks the day of my one month blogiversary (if that's how you'd spell this made up word). My little corner of the internet has now been officially up and running for a month now, and I have to say, it's really becoming a part of my life. I know a month isn't too long in the grand scheme of things, but it's crazy to me to think that this time thirty days ago, my first post 'Introducing Me' hadn't even gone live yet!
Since then I've shared with you my experience of diagnosis, my gratitude for my loved ones and disclosed some of my favourite recipes, and I want to say a big thank-you to you for actually reading my rambling thoughts and bearing with me while I attempt to navigate the minefield that is blogging!

Along side my little blog I've also set up my first ever Twitter account (I know, gasp! Where have I been??), to document the pointless and hopefully not so pointless thoughts I have on a day-to-day basis. And now, to mark my one month blogiversary I've decided to go two steps further and step up both and Instagram account and an account on Bloglovin'.

So if you'd like to keep updated on the thrilling life of a chronically ill graduate on her road to recovery, go ahead and follow me on any of these various platforms:

Twitter: @slowlymendingme

Instagramslowlymendingme

or...
Follow my blog with Bloglovin


Alice
x

Tuesday 22 July 2014

Graduating and Growing Up

For the last three years I've been pushing my poor little spoonie body to its limits studying for my English degree. It's been hard, and I questioned many times whether I could really do it, but all the hard work has finally paid off and earlier this week I graduated... with a 2:1 nonetheless! 
Those of you who've donned your gowns and mortar boards to wave goodbye to your university careers will know just how busy and stressful this day can be (or is that just me and my unorganised family?), and for those of you who haven't, it's a pretty jam packed and demanding day! And while I could barely move by the end of the day and the post-external malaise hit me like a ton of bricks, it was oh so worth it. Though I graduated along with my class of around five hundred people, I felt like a bit of a star for the day... there was photos, champagne, Pimms, more photos, cake, yet more photos and a delicious meal at what I can only imagine is the best burger joint in Britain- if you life near Nottingham and haven't paid Annie's a visit, then you simply have not lived. 

Tuesday 15 July 2014

10 words that have a different meaning when you're chronically ill




As you may or may not know, I'm an Essex girl. And while my home county may get a bit of stick for it's high proportion fake-tanned women (and men) and rather recognisable accent, I wouldn't wanna call anywhere else home. For this reason, articles like this one unashamedly fill me with a little bit of joy- even if they aren't always 100% accurate. After a bit of a browse around the Buzzfeed website, I discovered there was one of these lists for a variety of counties, countries and groups- Manchester, New England and students to name but a few. But was there one for us chronically ill spoonies? No there was not

Over the years I've lost count of the times a well meaning friend has informed me that they 'get tired too' or that a little exercise would do me good because it helped them when they were ill... 
No, no, no, no, no. 
It's difficult to explain to others that their tired is not my tired, their pain is not the same as my pain, and exercise for me is walking to the postbox, not spending hours at the gym. While I keep a calm exterior and politely nod in agreement, all I really want to do is throw a childish tantrum and scream IT. IS. NOT. THE. SAME (but being a mature twenty-one year old adult, I do not do this).

I know my illness is hard for those around me to fully understand and luckily for me, following my diagnosis many of my fiends took it upon themselves to find out as much about M.E as they could. But if you're still wondering just how different life can be or just what the hell I'm talking about a lot of the time, here's a little taster...

Saturday 12 July 2014

The Nonsense of Sensitivity

If you've read my previous post about my diagnosis, you'll know that it was a pretty long and bumpy road. For this reason, by the time the medical professionals had recognised I really was truly ill with M.E, I was already pretty familiar with the multitude of symptoms it entails. I'd had the fatigue, the pain and the susceptibility to infection, but what I wasn't prepared for was the increased sensitivity I would experience as my condition worsened. 

I don't mean sensitivity of the emotional kind- I didn't suddenly start blubbering at soppy films or weeping at tales of reunited families (I'm not much of crier you see); I mean sensitivity to all manner of external stimuli. I'm not gonna lie to you, it kinda sucks. It really is one of the symptoms I hate the most, because it stops me from doing many of the things I love to do.

This sensitivity comes in a variety of guises, and while its most likely to hit when I'm feeling my worst, it also likes to make a surprise appearance every now and then, much to my dismay. To give you a better idea of what I'm talking about, here's a few examples of the ways this most unexpected of symptoms affects me in my everyday life:

Wednesday 9 July 2014

The Diagnosis Dilemna

Being told I had M.E was simultaneously one of the best and worst days of my life. I know that may seem like an odd way to describe the diagnosis of a chronic illness, but bare with me, there's method in my madness.

Way way back in the summer of 2008, when Michael Jackson was still alive, England were beginning early preparations for the Olympics and One Direction were but mere school boys, a young girl shared a bottle of water with her slightly ill friend, thinking nothing of it. That girl was me, and my friend had glandular fever. And while she recovered in a matter of weeks, I've never had a fully well day since. I contracted a bout of glandular fever and never fully recovered- while glandular fever stopped showing up on my blood tests, its affects never truly left me. 

Over my GCSE's an A levels I became the girl that was always ill- I don't think I ever attended a full week of school from that point onwards... my body simply couldn't do it. I was so exhausted I couldn't get out of bed and I was struck down by infection after infection, week after week. And the worse part? Apparently I wasn't ill. But I knew differently, I knew something was wrong. Despite my doctors insistence otherwise, I knew that this wasn't 'normal' and that I wasn't tired just because 'teenagers need more sleep' (seriously I can't tell you how many times I heard this). However, not being a trained medical professional myself, I was just as baffled as they were- I didn't know what it could possibly be.


Sunday 6 July 2014

Baking Sundays: Delicious Chocolate Brownies

Since I returned from uni,  my sister's been incessantly requesting that I make her a batch of brownies (she'd do it herself but they'd only burn). Today I caved in and boy I do not regret it! I mean look at them in all their gooey glory... they're delicious. 


 I love a good brownie, and I'm not gonna lie to you, these are not exactly guilt free. They aren't secretly sugar free, I didn't find an alternative to fat and they're obviously stuffed full of chocolate, but don't we all deserve a naughty treat once in while? 


Clockwise from top left: Ingredients all ready to go, frothy whisked eggs and sugar, finished brownie mix, end result
They're super quick and easy to make and trust me, oh so satisfying. Just melt a little butter and chocolate, whisk up some eggs and sugar, and mix it all together with a touch of flour and cocoa powder and voila! your brownies are ready to bake, filling your house with that lovely brownie smell. And as if this wasn't bad enough for me already, I went and over indulged, making this gorgeous salted caramel sauce to pour alllll over the top. I recommend it- it's seriously good.

So give them a go, you won't regret it ;)


How can you resist?

Friday 4 July 2014

20 Reasons You need a Special Somebody When You're Chronically Ill

Earlier this week this made it's way onto my Facebook newsfeed. While it's mainly encouraging young women to enjoy their time alone and not depend on a man, it's also the most recent in along line of articles to have got my blood boiling due to their anti-relationship stance. Not unlike the '23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're 23'  article which lists 23 ridiculous things you cannot do when in a relationship (but totally can, obviously), 20 reasons are cited for staying single in your 20's. I'm sorry but I can do all but three of these from the comfort of my relationship.

I was tempted I'll admit, to make this into a long ranty post and a direct rebuttal of all these things I supposedly cannot do. However that'd be whiny, annoying and pretty lame. So instead I've decided to create my own list. Not a list of the things I can still do with a boyfriend, or reasons why having a boyfriend in your twenty's is actually pretty great, but a list of the reasons it's great to have someone special by your side when you're chronically ill. This someone special doesn't have to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, just someone your can truly count on through all the good and bad. 
So this post goes out to not only my amazing boyfriend, but also my mother who's been there from the very beginning, the best friend who recorded all those lectures I couldn't go to, my daddy-who's finally come to terms with the whole thing, and all my closest friends and family who've put up with me over the last six years!

Harvey. I just want to thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most. I want to thankyou for understanding me and helping me through everything. I love you unconditionally and appreciate you being there for me. It means so much xxx

So regardless of whether your coupled up in your twenty's or happily flying solo, I'm sure you can appreciate how great it is to know that no matter how ill your feeling, you aren't going it alone. And this is my little list of why that's the best feeling to have of all.

Tuesday 1 July 2014

Health Update: July


Happy July Everybody! 
We're now officially over half way through the year, the longest day has been and gone, and next Christmas is now closer than last Christmas... Crazy right!?

While this blog is here to note most of my daily goings on, from baking to chilling in bed with with a hot water bottle and a good Efron classic on my laptop, its main purpose is to chart my life with, and hopefully my recovery from M.E. Therefore I figured it was about time I actually got round to writing about the current state of my health, which with any luck, will start to improve over the next few months/ year.

Wind back to last Summer and I was probably at my lowest. I was suffering from severe symptoms, mainly fatigue and pain, more or less every single day. I was barely sleeping and to coincide conveniently with the best and hottest British Summer I can remember, my body decided that it simply did not like heat, not one little bit. I was spending a lot of my time in bed and the thought of having to make it through another year of uni filled me with dread.

Whizzing back to the present, and Summer 2014 sees me feeling soo much better. While my health is by no means great, it is, touch wood, certainly improving. June was a pretty roller-coaster month, with my body having to contend with deadlines, exams, my graduation ball and leaving university as well as all those other exhausting day-to-day activities. Obviously my poor sick little body couldn't cope with all this and there was days when then post-external malaise was simply terrible. But on the whole, I came out the other end.

Busy June:
Graduation Ball, Celebratory trip to Bakewell and 'we've finished exams!' drinks.

As we enter July, I'm in a much better place- physically and mentally. Having finished uni for good *gasp*, and having finally fully committed to being a full-time sick person, my body is under the least stress in years, which is so far giving me a much needed boost. However, despite taking various mediations to aid my sleep, I still have sleeping issues and I still wake unrefreshed. And although I'm experiencing less aches and pains daily, I still experience extreme fatigue after a simple lunch date with friends. This time last year, everyday was a bad day, but now I'm getting an impressive 2-3 good days for every bad one. And while these good days may not be 'good' by a well persons standards, they're something to celebrate for me. For example, over Easter I had a whole week of good days, a whole week- I actually nearly cried out of happiness (or maybe I did... bad memory).

So as we enter the seventh month of the year, I hope this new month sees you all well. For all you spoonie's out there, I hope this month's full of many many good days, and that you manage to make it out into the (promised) sun, even if only for a few minutes. And if like me, you're living for the little positives in life, just remember, M.E. can't stop the beautiful smell of blazing barbecue drifting in through your window... so you've always got that :)

Alice
x