2014: A year to be proud of

Is it just me, or has this year just raced by? 

It doesn't quite seem possible it's been whole year since I welcomed in 2014, stood under a canopy of umbrellas straining to see the London fireworks as they reflected brightly off the buildings surrounding Trafalgar Square. 

And yet, here we are. It's December 30th and I've spent the best part of my day littering my bedroom floor with discarded dresses in a decidedly futile attempt to decide on an outfit for tomorrow night. Do I want to be comfortable or glamorous? Comfortably glamorous? I get back on you on that one.

Naturally, as the year draws to it's close, we cant help but look back. We ask ourselves not only where did those months go? But also how did they go? For me, it was pretty up and down. A roller-coaster of a year. But that's life with ME. There's been bad times, terribly bad times, but as I look back I can see there's been so so many good times. In fact, for the first time in a number of years, I can confidently say this year's been better than the rest. 

While my year may be ending with ME once again in tow, it doesn't feel quite so bleak. I'm still unwell, and there's a chance I may still be unwell when I wave goodbye to 2015, but things are certainly on the up. My health may not have improved as much as I may have hoped, but I've got a better outlook now, I've got better coping mechanisms and I've got better control. 

In the spirit of positivity I've taken a look back on some of my greatest achievements this year, some of which I'd have never thought possible. Seeing them written down, I couldn't be more proud of myself for how far I've come this year, how much progress I've made and how much stronger I am. Even if 2014 hasn't been your year, tucked away somewhere, maybe on a rainy afternoon in April or a warm summers evening in July, there will be something, however small, that you've achieved. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops with glee, you needn't even note it down, but think about it, just for a second; what have you done this year to make you feel proud?

1. Graduated. Graduating is a fantastic achievement at the best of times. But to do it all with an incredibly poorly body and still get a 2:1 is something I'm pretty damn proud of. I'm not going to bang on about this too much as I've already done that here.

2. Travelled to America for 3 weeks. Though nothing, not even a particularly bad relapse, would have kept me from heading to America to be reunited with my boyfriend after three months, I'm incredibly grateful my body behaved itself when the time came. Though it was tough and I needed a lot of down time when I returned. I managed it. Three weeks of back-to-back sight seeing and a trip to NYC. If that doesn't show progress, I don't know what does! You can read all about it here.

3. On the road again. Though I passed my test over 2 years ago, I've had neither a car nor insurance in that time, so I've driven very little. I'm finally insured now on mama's car and though it's been stressful at times, I'm so glad I've got the freedom of driving now. I'm even getting a little better at parking.

4. I worked. Ok, it was an internship, but it was in a proper office doing proper things.  A year ago I'd have never thought this possible, or at least it was simply a dream. Though only two days a week, the internship was tough and showed me I'm not ready for work just yet. But I made it to the end. I had a wonderful experience,meet some great people and even got a certificate.

5. I got me a blog. I'd thought about blogging for a long while but never had the guts to just go for it. In June this year I took the plunge and decided to give it a go. I'm not the best at blogging. I always forget to post, but next year I'm going to try to be better *news years resolution*. Anyways, it's still only a  baby, but I'm proud of it.  

Wishing you all the happiest new year!

Alice

x

Graduating and Growing Up

For the last three years I've been pushing my poor little spoonie body to its limits studying for my English degree. It's been hard, and I questioned many times whether I could really do it, but all the hard work has finally paid off and earlier this week I graduated... with a 2:1 nonetheless! 

Those of you who've donned your gowns and mortar boards to wave goodbye to your university careers will know just how busy and stressful this day can be (or is that just me and my unorganised family?), and for those of you who haven't, it's a pretty jam packed and demanding day! And while I could barely move by the end of the day and the post-external malaise hit me like a ton of bricks, it was oh so worth it. Though I graduated along with my class of around five hundred people, I felt like a bit of a star for the day... there was photos, champagne, Pimms, more photos, cake, yet more photos and a delicious meal at what I can only imagine is the best burger joint in Britain- if you life near Nottingham and haven't paid Annie's a visit, then you simply have not lived. 

A bit about M.E.

 I've already told you a little bit about me, but now I think it'd be useful if I introduce you a little more to the illness that's prompted the writing of this blog- M.E.

M.E, or to use its rather long and hard to pronounce full name, Myalgic encephalomyelitis, is to be honest, a bit of a minefield. The vast multitude of symptoms and lack of a definite cause make it both hard to diagnose and hard to understand.

 Back in my pre-diagnosis days, I scoured the internet in a desperate attempt to self diagnose the illness that I believed was staring my doctors right in the face. The problem was, with so many varying symptoms, there was so much to rule out- anaemia, Lyme disease and thyroid problems to name but a few. 

I knew that for number of years I'd been a lot more tired than could be considered normal, but what I didn't know was that so many of other, seemingly irrelevant problems I had day-to-day all had the one underlying cause, M.E.

Therefore, believe me, I know how confusing it can be. Before I could even begin to get those around  me to understand this 'new' mystery illness I was suffering from, I had to fully comprehend it myself. So now, with a fair few years of M.E know-how behind me and a number of the symptoms experienced at one time or another, it's my turn to help you. Whether you're looking for a bit of information or simply just reassurance that you aren't alone, hopefully I can be of some use :) So here it is, my short but unfortunately not so sweet guide to the gloriously unique illness that is M.E!

Introducing Me...

So hello! Welcome to my first ever post of my first ever blog Slowly Mending Me. Whether you're a full-time sufferer, an optimistic recoverer or purely an external observer to our little M.E world, I extend to you the warmest welcome. 

From L-R: My boyfriend and I at is his graduation, my lovely doggies, cake- because I love to bake, my family on holiday last year.

  

I myself fall somewhere between full-time sufferer and optimistic recoverer. Having recently made it to the end of my three year university course I can now proudly say that I am officially an unemployed graduate. Woo! Rather than fill me with despair and worry, this is in fact the biggest relief. Having struggled through university carrying the heavy load that is M.E along for the duration, having an empty future laid out ahead of me gives me the much needed break my body desperately craved. So now, here I am- rested, relaxed and ready to embark on the long journey to recovery.

I've packed my bags, meticulously pealed blue tac off the walls and headed back down from the Midlands to Essex for the very last time. For the first time in three years I'm now properly living back home. With all the home cooked meals and mummy-care that that entails, I'm finally in an environment in which I can just be ill and hopefully, as time goes on, get better and better.

I've had M.E for such a long time now that I don't even know what it's like to not be ill. Little was I to know that sharing a drink with my glandular fever riddled friend at the age of 14 would change my life in such an indescribable way. Over the years I missed a significant amount of school, have had to sit home while my friends go out, and, most heart-breakingly, I had to give up dancing- M.E robbing me of my dream of dancing professionally. 

However, I am determined not to let M.E get the better of me. In fact, as this quote I happened to stumble across while browsing through pinterest suggests, I intend to look at the stars. And by stars, I mean the positives to come out of this experience, the little steps I shall be blogging about on my road to recovery. If it wasn't for M.E I'd have never started yoga (and I LOVE yoga), I'd never ventured into gluten free baking, eaten vegetables or considered reteaching myself the German I've forgotten since I left school- though I probably would binge-watch a lot less American tv from the comfort of my bed. 

Every cloud's got it's silver lining, and after years of struggling and feeling defeated by this illness, there's now a far more positive relationship between me and M.E.

So, that's me. Me and my M.E.

Welcome to my blog :)

Alice x