The benefits of being a realist

Listen up my darlings, I'd like to tell you story. 

Do you watch Modern Family? If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know I'm a huge fan of the show. Recently, in true spoonie style, I've rewatched the whole show again. From the start of season 1 to the end of season 5, my bofriend and I have watched every episode in preparation for the new series. Through our manic and incessant watching we've come to a great, life changing realisation. We are Claire and Phil. I'm the naggy woman cringing at my partners jokes and he's the kinda guy who might bring an Alpaca home, just because.

Why am I telling you this adorable but seemingly irrelevant tale? Because just like Phil and Claire, Jamie's a dreamer and I'm a realist- or as he'd say, I'm a pessimist.

I'm not. A pessimist. But I will admit I am a realist. It's hard for me to look at things and see the positives if the negatives are so glaringly more likely. I'm not a risk taker and I'd be a terrible gambler. I'm just no good at betting on the little guy, the underdog, the slim chance. I'm not gonna tell you the glass is half empty, but I will be the one to point out that it's no more likely to be half full. And while I hope and pray that one day I will recover fully from this horrible illness, I can never lose sight of the fact that chances are getting slimmer with every passing year. 

I know this may sound depressing, and like I'm not giving myself enough of a chance, but honestly that's not the case. Infact, thinking realistly rather than positively has been my best coping mechanism as of late. Sound crazy and counter productive? I know. But let me explain.

When you suffer from an illness as widely misunderstood as ME, you begin to notice that while people aren't prepred to begin to understand your illness they are exceptionally willing to give advice. Advice on something they know literally nothing about. One of the more common pieces of advice is that if I thought more positively I'd get better. Would you tell an amputee that if they had more positive thoughts their leg would grow back? No. No you wouldn't. So shutup.
Anyway, while positive thinking will not cure ME in any shape or form it does help many suffers avoid depression and get by day-to-day. I am in many ways one of these people. I focus on the little things that make my life great, I surround myself with people I love and I'm forever grateful that I manage a (sober) night out every once in a while. But I believe thinking too positively is a hindrance rather than a force for good- especially for a chronic realist like me.

Last year I met with an ME specialist for the first time. In the letter he sent regarding our meeting he noted that my prognosis wasn't great. The only upside? I had no unrealistic expectations of my recovery. The main thing helping me get better was not an unwavering faith in the cause, but the understanding that I might not.

This goes against everything I'd previously been told. And to be honest I think it's helped more than everything in my recovery.

If I spend my days assuming that I will certainly one day fully recover, I'm constantly striving towards a potentially unachievable goal. Something both highly unsatisfying and demoralising. However if I accept I may never fully recover, the smaller milestones become unfathomable achievements. 
They say that when you lose something you have to go through a period of grieving for what you've lost before you can fully move on with your new life. By having a realist attitude towards my illness, that is what I believe I m doing. I have days where I grieve for the life I've lost. The career and Independence I'll probably never have. But in accepting I may never fully recover, I've also come to appreciate the future I would never otherwise have had. A future that may be slightly less conventional and societally acceptable-but an awesome one all the same.

I'm not saying you should follow my lead. If you've got the mental strength to fully believe you will recover then I envy you, I do, and I wish you the very best. But next time you're not feeling so positive- don't feel guilty. Embrace your inner realist and your new future- you may be surprised by the life you uncover.

I'm gonna leave you with my favourite Modern Family quote, just because it's beautiful.

x

*I'd like to note that I am not downplaying the importance and brilliance of positive thinking, or encouraging negative thinking, at all. I am simply sharing my own beliefs and experience of what works for me.