What I'm Watching

What with my graduation, the weekend in Brighton and all the catching-up with friends and family that comes with returning from uni, I've had a pretty busy time of it lately. There I was, plodding along, thinking my M.E was behaving itself incredibly well and coping with all I was throwing at it far better than I could have hoped. Then bam. Turns out it wasn't coping too well after all and the post external malaise has hit me pretty hard this week (if you're lucky enough to not know what this is, then check out my post on the symptoms of M.E here for a little heads up). If you're a fellow spoonie then you'll know just how gutting this can be. Though we're used it, every time the dreaded PEM hits it feels like a million steps back along the road to recovery. And to be honest with you, I'm really pretty bad at coping with it. Yes, I try to push through though I know I shouldn't, I cry though it just makes me more exhausted and I fret that I'll never ever feel any better... so much for the positive attitude, eh. 

But ultimately, eventually I give in. After a good talking to from my boyfriend or mummy I manage to get myself back on the positive bandwagon wagon and see each episode of PEM as a simple blimp along my long and bumpy journey. So what's a girl to do when she can hardly get out of bed? Why! Sign up for a Netflix account of course! So while I've been holed up in bed with some chocolate and a fan, I've spent my week catching up with some of my best loved shows. These are some of mine, what are some of yours?

Baking Sundays: Death By Chocolate Cupcakes

For a cake lover like myself, it really doesn't get much better than a classic beautifully fudgy, chocolately chocolate cake. Therefore finding that perfect chocolate cake recipe has been like finding the holy grail. I've searched high and low, in old cook books and new, magazines and phone apps and just about every corner of the internet for a flawless recipe that would produce a cake that'd be be, quite simply, delectable. But what's the secret to a faultless chocolate cake... cocoa powder or dark chocolate, sour cream or milk, muscovado sugar or caster? I've tried them all, but nothings been quite right. Nothing's been wow!

That was until I stumbled across this recipe from Sally over at Sally's Baking Addiction. Her chocolate cake was just what I'd been looking for- light, fluffy, moist and immensely chocolately- it was perfect. This has been my go to recipe for quite some time now.- it's one I love to bake up for special occasions and guests always love it. Follow the instructions and this cake is utterly flawless and exceptionally delicious- trust me, you shall never want for another chocolate cake recipe again. 

1 month 'blogiversary'

So today marks the day of my one month blogiversary (if that's how you'd spell this made up word). My little corner of the internet has now been officially up and running for a month now, and I have to say, it's really becoming a part of my life. I know a month isn't too long in the grand scheme of things, but it's crazy to me to think that this time thirty days ago, my first post 'Introducing Me' hadn't even gone live yet!

Since then I've shared with you my experience of diagnosis, my gratitude for my loved ones and disclosed some of my favourite recipes, and I want to say a big thank-you to you for actually reading my rambling thoughts and bearing with me while I attempt to navigate the minefield that is blogging!

Along side my little blog I've also set up my first ever Twitter account (I know, gasp! Where have I been??), to document the pointless and hopefully not so pointless thoughts I have on a day-to-day basis. And now, to mark my one month blogiversary I've decided to go two steps further and step up both and Instagram account and an account on Bloglovin'.

So if you'd like to keep updated on the thrilling life of a chronically ill graduate on her road to recovery, go ahead and follow me on any of these various platforms:

Twitter: @slowlymendingme

Instagram: slowlymendingme

or...
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Alice

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Graduating and Growing Up

For the last three years I've been pushing my poor little spoonie body to its limits studying for my English degree. It's been hard, and I questioned many times whether I could really do it, but all the hard work has finally paid off and earlier this week I graduated... with a 2:1 nonetheless! 

Those of you who've donned your gowns and mortar boards to wave goodbye to your university careers will know just how busy and stressful this day can be (or is that just me and my unorganised family?), and for those of you who haven't, it's a pretty jam packed and demanding day! And while I could barely move by the end of the day and the post-external malaise hit me like a ton of bricks, it was oh so worth it. Though I graduated along with my class of around five hundred people, I felt like a bit of a star for the day... there was photos, champagne, Pimms, more photos, cake, yet more photos and a delicious meal at what I can only imagine is the best burger joint in Britain- if you life near Nottingham and haven't paid Annie's a visit, then you simply have not lived. 

10 words that have a different meaning when you're chronically ill

As you may or may not know, I'm an Essex girl. And while my home county may get a bit of stick for it's high proportion fake-tanned women (and men) and rather recognisable accent, I wouldn't wanna call anywhere else home. For this reason, articles like this one unashamedly fill me with a little bit of joy- even if they aren't always 100% accurate. After a bit of a browse around the Buzzfeed website, I discovered there was one of these lists for a variety of counties, countries and groups- Manchester, New England and students to name but a few. But was there one for us chronically ill spoonies? No there was not. 

Over the years I've lost count of the times a well meaning friend has informed me that they 'get tired too' or that a little exercise would do me good because it helped them when they were ill... 
No, no, no, no, no. 
It's difficult to explain to others that their tired is not my tired, their pain is not the same as my pain, and exercise for me is walking to the postbox, not spending hours at the gym. While I keep a calm exterior and politely nod in agreement, all I really want to do is throw a childish tantrum and scream IT. IS. NOT. THE. SAME (but being a mature twenty-one year old adult, I do not do this).

I know my illness is hard for those around me to fully understand and luckily for me, following my diagnosis many of my fiends took it upon themselves to find out as much about M.E as they could. But if you're still wondering just how different life can be or just what the hell I'm talking about a lot of the time, here's a little taster...

The Nonsense of Sensitivity

If you've read my previous post about my diagnosis, you'll know that it was a pretty long and bumpy road. For this reason, by the time the medical professionals had recognised I really was truly ill with M.E, I was already pretty familiar with the multitude of symptoms it entails. I'd had the fatigue, the pain and the susceptibility to infection, but what I wasn't prepared for was the increased sensitivity I would experience as my condition worsened. 

I don't mean sensitivity of the emotional kind- I didn't suddenly start blubbering at soppy films or weeping at tales of reunited families (I'm not much of crier you see); I mean sensitivity to all manner of external stimuli. I'm not gonna lie to you, it kinda sucks. It really is one of the symptoms I hate the most, because it stops me from doing many of the things I love to do.

This sensitivity comes in a variety of guises, and while its most likely to hit when I'm feeling my worst, it also likes to make a surprise appearance every now and then, much to my dismay. To give you a better idea of what I'm talking about, here's a few examples of the ways this most unexpected of symptoms affects me in my everyday life:

The Diagnosis Dilemna

Being told I had M.E was simultaneously one of the best and worst days of my life. I know that may seem like an odd way to describe the diagnosis of a chronic illness, but bare with me, there's method in my madness.

Way way back in the summer of 2008, when Michael Jackson was still alive, England were beginning early preparations for the Olympics and One Direction were but mere school boys, a young girl shared a bottle of water with her slightly ill friend, thinking nothing of it. That girl was me, and my friend had glandular fever. And while she recovered in a matter of weeks, I've never had a fully well day since. I contracted a bout of glandular fever and never fully recovered- while glandular fever stopped showing up on my blood tests, its affects never truly left me. 

Over my GCSE's an A levels I became the girl that was always ill- I don't think I ever attended a full week of school from that point onwards... my body simply couldn't do it. I was so exhausted I couldn't get out of bed and I was struck down by infection after infection, week after week. And the worse part? Apparently I wasn't ill. But I knew differently, I knew something was wrong. Despite my doctors insistence otherwise, I knew that this wasn't 'normal' and that I wasn't tired just because 'teenagers need more sleep' (seriously I can't tell you how many times I heard this). However, not being a trained medical professional myself, I was just as baffled as they were- I didn't know what it could possibly be.

Baking Sundays: Delicious Chocolate Brownies

Since I returned from uni,  my sister's been incessantly requesting that I make her a batch of brownies (she'd do it herself but they'd only burn). Today I caved in and boy I do not regret it! I mean look at them in all their gooey glory... they're delicious. 

 I love a good brownie, and I'm not gonna lie to you, these are not exactly guilt free. They aren't secretly sugar free, I didn't find an alternative to fat and they're obviously stuffed full of chocolate, but don't we all deserve a naughty treat once in while? 

Clockwise from top left: Ingredients all ready to go, frothy whisked eggs and sugar, finished brownie mix, end result

They're super quick and easy to make and trust me, oh so satisfying. Just melt a little butter and chocolate, whisk up some eggs and sugar, and mix it all together with a touch of flour and cocoa powder and voila! your brownies are ready to bake, filling your house with that lovely brownie smell. And as if this wasn't bad enough for me already, I went and over indulged, making this gorgeous salted caramel sauce to pour alllll over the top. I recommend it- it's seriously good.

So give them a go, you won't regret it ;)

How can you resist?

20 Reasons You need a Special Somebody When You're Chronically Ill

Earlier this week this made it's way onto my Facebook newsfeed. While it's mainly encouraging young women to enjoy their time alone and not depend on a man, it's also the most recent in along line of articles to have got my blood boiling due to their anti-relationship stance. Not unlike the '23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're 23'  article which lists 23 ridiculous things you cannot do when in a relationship (but totally can, obviously), 20 reasons are cited for staying single in your 20's. I'm sorry but I can do all but three of these from the comfort of my relationship.

I was tempted I'll admit, to make this into a long ranty post and a direct rebuttal of all these things I supposedly cannot do. However that'd be whiny, annoying and pretty lame. So instead I've decided to create my own list. Not a list of the things I can still do with a boyfriend, or reasons why having a boyfriend in your twenty's is actually pretty great, but a list of the reasons it's great to have someone special by your side when you're chronically ill. This someone special doesn't have to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, just someone your can truly count on through all the good and bad. 

So this post goes out to not only my amazing boyfriend, but also my mother who's been there from the very beginning, the best friend who recorded all those lectures I couldn't go to, my daddy-who's finally come to terms with the whole thing, and all my closest friends and family who've put up with me over the last six years!

So regardless of whether your coupled up in your twenty's or happily flying solo, I'm sure you can appreciate how great it is to know that no matter how ill your feeling, you aren't going it alone. And this is my little list of why that's the best feeling to have of all.

Health Update: July

Happy July Everybody! 

We're now officially over half way through the year, the longest day has been and gone, and next Christmas is now closer than last Christmas... Crazy right!?

While this blog is here to note most of my daily goings on, from baking to chilling in bed with with a hot water bottle and a good Efron classic on my laptop, its main purpose is to chart my life with, and hopefully my recovery from M.E. Therefore I figured it was about time I actually got round to writing about the current state of my health, which with any luck, will start to improve over the next few months/ year.

Wind back to last Summer and I was probably at my lowest. I was suffering from severe symptoms, mainly fatigue and pain, more or less every single day. I was barely sleeping and to coincide conveniently with the best and hottest British Summer I can remember, my body decided that it simply did not like heat, not one little bit. I was spending a lot of my time in bed and the thought of having to make it through another year of uni filled me with dread.

Whizzing back to the present, and Summer 2014 sees me feeling soo much better. While my health is by no means great, it is, touch wood, certainly improving. June was a pretty roller-coaster month, with my body having to contend with deadlines, exams, my graduation ball and leaving university as well as all those other exhausting day-to-day activities. Obviously my poor sick little body couldn't cope with all this and there was days when then post-external malaise was simply terrible. But on the whole, I came out the other end.

Busy June:
Graduation Ball, Celebratory trip to Bakewell and 'we've finished exams!' drinks.

As we enter July, I'm in a much better place- physically and mentally. Having finished uni for good *gasp*, and having finally fully committed to being a full-time sick person, my body is under the least stress in years, which is so far giving me a much needed boost. However, despite taking various mediations to aid my sleep, I still have sleeping issues and I still wake unrefreshed. And although I'm experiencing less aches and pains daily, I still experience extreme fatigue after a simple lunch date with friends. This time last year, everyday was a bad day, but now I'm getting an impressive 2-3 good days for every bad one. And while these good days may not be 'good' by a well persons standards, they're something to celebrate for me. For example, over Easter I had a whole week of good days, a whole week- I actually nearly cried out of happiness (or maybe I did... bad memory).

So as we enter the seventh month of the year, I hope this new month sees you all well. For all you spoonie's out there, I hope this month's full of many many good days, and that you manage to make it out into the (promised) sun, even if only for a few minutes. And if like me, you're living for the little positives in life, just remember, M.E. can't stop the beautiful smell of blazing barbecue drifting in through your window... so you've always got that :)

Alice

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